Photo Credit: Mean Girls
Effective communication has become a lost art.
We assume others are conscious of our ideas and emotions, without properly expressing a solid point of view. As women, we’ve been conditioned to show more and speak less or on the flip side, be as loud as possible to get the message across. What we fail to realize is balance. Yes, our voices matter but also, the way it is heard is just as important. How are you heard? Better yet, are you sending a misleading message?
While you aren’t relegated to explain yourself, you also should not waste your breath. Are you clearly getting your message across? Here are five phrases, frequently spoken by women that could use a little bit of tweaking and elaboration.
5. “Beyoncé Has 24 Hours in a Day.”
You’re setting yourself up for failure, beloved. Yes, we all have an equal amount of time in the day to accomplish our daily to-do lists, however celebrities like Beyonce have hired task mangers. Her everyday life is navigated with paid help. There is someone working months ahead of time to book her engagements, in addition to those day of people who help her effortlessly pull everything off. Unless you can afford a glam squad, a publicist, personal chefs, drivers and glorified gofers, then no, you don’t have the same amount of time as Bey.
Stop catering to the notion that your time should be measure by the amount of results produced by others.
Bey is today’s symbol of power and feminism, but we are all heroines and superstars in our own right. Take your awesomeness in stride and not according to the time piece of others.
Substitute: I’m making good use of my time.
4. “Did that make sense?”
I am most guilty of this phrase. Usually I ask this question if the words coming out of my mouth seem unclear in my head, not because the person on the receiving end appears confused. Most importantly, we use this question for validation. Chances are, you weren’t 100% sold on the idea in the first place, instead you’re seeking reinforcement to solidify your belief. That’s if you believed what you were saying in the first place.
Substitute: Let me know if you have any questions.
3. “I heard that_________.”
Did you hear or do you know the information to be true? Two different things. When you say you heard something, it comes off as though you received second-hand information and you’re unclear of its accuracy. Attribute your information.
Substitute: just state the facts
2. “I Feel Some Type of Way.”
Traditionally there are six basic human emotions; fear, happiness, sadness, disgust, surprise and anger. Pick one. This comes two-fold. Nowadays, more individuals are describing their sentiments using the descriptor ‘feels’, that really isn’t a descriptor. “That gave me the feels” or “I have all the feels”. What are feels? And do they come with side effects?
Each generation has a mixtape version of the English language, extracting their idea of seemingly useless words and phrases to a less complex dialogue. Likely, some 13-year-old girl in Australia saw a gif of a cute cat on the web and tweeted “I have all the feels mate,” and it turned into a snowball effect. If you were born before 1992, we expect more of you. Be direct and clear with your emotions. You are likely sending a mixed message if the only way that you can describe your sentiments is with a vague word such as ‘feels’ or ‘I’m OK’. Stop giving people a pass to disregard your feelings because, well, they don’t know how you feel.
Please end this noncommunicative culture that is on the horizon. I blame Rich Homie Quan.
Substitute: I feel insert proper emotion here.
Sidebar; I also blame Rich Homie Quan for inciting this culture of feeling ‘some type of way’.
1. “I Don’t Know.”
It’s 2016 and there is no excuse as to why you don’t how to do something. With the millions of free webinars and YouTube tutorials, the information to which you seek is out there. While most of our wells aren’t overflowing with knowledge outside of our respective industries or what we’ve been taught in school, that doesn’t give you an excuse to stop learning.
‘I don’t know’ is also similar to number two on this list in regards to its unclear factor. Depending on the context, this phrase can also signal a passive aggressive tone, in which you’re overall avoiding the true answer.
In some cases, you may truly lack knowledge, however you could miss out on an opportunity if you’re extremely dismissive to what you’re unskilled in. When it comes to jobs and volunteering for tasks, show your eagerness. It could be the key to a promotion. Find a way to show your interest.
Substitute: ‘I am not sure, but I’d like to find out more.’
Which ones are your repeat offender. What words or phrases are you sick of hearing? Tell me below in the comments.
I’m guilty of the “did that make sense” badly. I use it mainly at work because I pray that my explanation is clear. Good list!
Love it!