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Let’s make a deal today. Okay, you ready? Here it goes; stop explaining yourself to people.
So happy to get that off my chest.
But, there’s a little more to it. Why is it that we feel as though we have to indirectly seek forgiveness whenever we cannot fulfill the requests of others? For instance, the little Girl Scouts standing outside of Wal-Mart do not want to hear that you wish you had some change to support them, but can’t today. They wan’t your money, not your excuse. Or when you friends invite you out and you really don’t feel like it. Somehow you allow them to put you on a guilt trip, and cave to the peer pressure because you don’t want to let them down.
Unless you’re in a legit interrogation room, free yourself from the pressure to explain why you are unable to fulfill certain tasks. Just say, no. You know your schedule and limitations. Your life is classified information until you choose to unseal the details. Your plight isn’t always for public consumption.
Here’s my formula for determining if I should say “yes” or “no”.
Energy x Time = Payoff
How much energy is required? Do I have the time to meet the criteria? Who is the beneficiary in the end?
Life isn’t always, “what’s in it for me?”. However, bigger commitments will likely fall to the wayside if you continuously cater to lesser important tasks. Be mindful of your goals and overall passion. Unimportant tasks are distractions to what is vital. You may be great at what you do, but that doesn’t mean you’re the person for every job.
People will put you on the spot and push you into a corner, but don’t be a lightweight..push back. Be firm, yet assertive. Give an honest response, not an excuse.
Here are 9 ways to respectfully decline requests without being passive aggressive.
1. That’s Not Going to Work for Me.
2. No, thank you.
3. I can’t help you out. Try _________________. (offer an alternative)
4. I have a lot on my plate right now.
5. My schedule is slammed.
6. I cannot take on any other commitments right now.
7. I don’t think I’m the right fit for the job.
8. I’m flattered, but I can’t.
9. I wouldn’t be able to give it the attention it deserves. Good luck.
Trying to be everything to everybody will cause instant burnout. You only have yourself to blame if you constantly feel overwhelmed by others. Pushovers are prime targets for guilt trips. Stop being unfair to yourself. Ultimately, you’re telling yourself “no” each time you put yourself on the back burner for others. Turn down the heat and move to the front burner.
The more comfortable you get with your talent and abilities, the easier it is to tell people "no". No, that will not work for me.
— GirlTyler (@sheistyler) March 18, 2016