5 of the Realest New Year’s Resolutions I Could Think Of

By now, your social media friends and followers have entered into deep moments of reflections surrounding the last 360 days. After a year of failed relationships, foolish Facebook statuses and just all-around poor life decisions, there is a mad push to get right for 2016. Although, I am not sure what will change between 11:59 p.m. Thursday to 12:00 a.m. on Friday, but to each their own. As I get older and become more honest wit myself, I have chosen not to write New Year’s resolutions. Partly because I hate letting myself down and two I set myself up for failure by day three.

So if I were to write down a list of things I want to enhance about my life for 2016, below were all I could think of.

5. No More Sliding in DMs

I set up dates in direct and private messages. There, I confessed. Sometimes I initiate them, other times I don’t. Frolicking in digital messaging comes with ease when you’re too shy to approach someone you’re interested in sharing alone time with. Face-to-face interactions…I shudder at the thought. I love mens but lawd dating is becoming more awkward with each passing year.

In 2016, I’ll go back to passing notes.

4. Stop Throwing Away Mixtapes from Parking Lots

There is a sense of fear and shame that takes over my body whenever I encounter rappers in parking lots, passing out their mixtapes. I once remember a guy becoming extremely angry with me when I said, “No thank you” to his CD. I didn’t know how to explain that I would love to support his local artistry, however, the CD player in my car was broken (still is). Nowadays, I take the disc from the music pushers without muttering a word, eventually dumping it in a nearby trash can. I realize someone’s hard work in laying down these tracks and packaging them inside a clear case with a neatly designed Microsoft Word cover, has ultimately gone to waste. I could be in the company of the next Meek Mill or the one who would lyrically destroy a Meek Mill.

In 2016, I’ll pass out mixtapes as birthday and Christmas gifts instead of just trashing them.

3. Cutback on Chick-Fil-A Visits

Food and I have a very tumultuous relationship. Yes, I am in the population of obese Americans who eat their problems as opposed to directly addressing them. After looking at my checking statement, I spent $192.69 this year at Chick-fil-A. This figure does not include cash transactions, free meals and the 3 Chick-fil-a calendar cards that I unashamedly used each month. My wallet and waistline cannot continue with the abuse.

In 2016, I will still eat at Chick-fil-A because I cannot help it.

2. No Pregnancy Zone

The way my ACA is set up, I am not 100% certain if the government got five on my deductible or nah. It’s best that I not sneeze or get pregnant next year. I’m not sure how much either will cost me.

In 2016, I will add prayer to my list of contraceptives.

1. The End of Social Media Clapbacks

Ya’ll like to try me on the Internet. Seriously, I’m over here just living my life on my blog and some of ya’ll try to hold me down. Christ has rid me of the need to clapback on critics in real life, now it is my fingers that choose to sin on the web. Most of the comments I receive are too silly to respond, whereas others are too annoying not to address. R.I.P. to Nate Dogg, but sometimes I have to regulate. As I work on maintaining a clean social media image, it’s a goal of mine to ignore trolls.

In 2016, I will no longer respond to foolery on Twitter and Facebook, although I know I’m lying as I type this.

The best way to resolve to have a better year, is to do just that. Live better. A list can’t do that. But forreal ya’ll, I’m going to work on the mixtape thing because that’s kinda mean throwing away people’s stuff.