Last night, I collapsed to the floor the same way I did exactly 5 years ago when my mother broke the news that my grandmother had left this Earth. It hit me like a ton of bricks for more reasons than the fact that I would never be able to see or speak to my best friend again. She lived for 97 years and I am fortunate to have had her for 21 of them. My chest is tight right now just reliving those moments with the same tears are streaming down my face. When she fell ill, I thought she’d get better like she had once before. Maw Maw was rarely sick. Foolishly, I thought she’d at least live to 110 years old to give me time to save money to pay for a surgery to buy her new eyes. My goals in life were once to become the next Oprah and be rich enough to pay for my grandmother to regain her eyesight. My how plans change
My grandmother, Carrie Anderson, became blind around two decades before my birth. She never physically laid eyes on me, but she saw me in a way that no one has or ever will. I was just her “Ty” and all she ever required of me was to be a lady. That’s it. Could I do it? Barely. I hated wearing dress. I kept holes in my tights and loved my dirty shoes! While she had no visible proof that my appearance was often unkempt, she overheard my aunties and mom yelling at me for being so unladylike. Maw Maw always said, “Ty, I just don’t know why it’s so hard for you to act right. A lady musn’t act and say the things you do. You must be sweet and kind and the Lord will bless you for it.” I’m all like “yeah, yeah” not knowing how valuable this advice this would be.
Between she and my grandpa, whom I never met they had eight children, 24 grandchildren, 41 great-grand children and 8 great-great-grandchildren. What a legacy to leave behind. I’m the baby of the grandchildren and we spent many of my after school days just talking. Thanks to her, I am the news junkie that you see today. Everyday at 4:00 p.m. we watch Oprah. I only liked her because she was smart, looked like me and people listened when she talked. At 5:00 p.m. on the dot we watched our local NBC affiliate for their news. I hated every second of it. Being the brat that I was/am, I would scream “THE NEWS IS FOR NOSEY PEOPLE, I WANT TO WATCH MY SHOW!”. My grandma did not take to disrespectful children. Her response, “Shut your mouth girl, I’m going to tell your mama. You better listen to the news and know what’s going on.” I would be so mad, while we both knew that she wouldn’t tell on me. She was stern but fair. Who knew 15 years later, I would become an intern at that station. Funny how my grandmother was preparing me for what I didn’t see in my own future.
It’s funny how she knew the principles of producing a newscast. We always watched the A-block (the beginning of the show through the first commercial break). Once the B-block rolled around, she knew we had gotten all the good stuff. If she didn’t think we were getting the full report from one station she’d say “Turn on (channel) 7 real quick and see if they got it! Hurry!”. And if they had moved on to another story she would say in a defeated tone “You too slow, we done missed it.” At 5:15 she cooked. For her to be blind, that was the best cuisine I have ever tasted. I am not saying that because she is my grandmother. The flavor is like nothing I’ve ever had before and all she used was salt and pepper. Maw Maw was rather independent, she just needed help sometimes measuring and knowing where to dump it. Because I liked to do a little bit of everything and made messes, I was on dish duty. Her, my sister, sometimes my cousin Charlene and I would sit down to eat. But there was a protocol to it. You wash your hands, set the table, pray and then eat. At 6:00 we watched the news again. This was everyday for years. After she stopped cooking, TV was in the same routine. After 6:30 we watched our favorites like Martin and The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Maw Maw called Martin Lawrence “ole nasty Martin”. She couldn’t see him but loved to listen and would complain when he got out of line with the sexual innuendos. Long after he was cancelled she said, “I miss that ole nasty Martin.” Even the days of just sitting out on the porch until the mosquitoes tore us up is deeply ingrained in my memories. Sometimes you never knew how good you have somethings until their gone.
I could go on and on about my good memories with her. My grandma was such a lady and well respected in the community. She fed everyone that came in the house or at least offered. Anytime we heard an ambulance ride past the house, she made us call the neighbors to make sure everyone was okay. Once my sister got older and went to college, it was just Maw Maw and I. We sat there and talked and talked some more. She told me about lying about her age just to marry my grandpa. She told me about her days of picking cotton in the fields and paying a nickel to watch the “picture show” separately from white people. I even heard about her days of having to step from the sidewalk to let white people pass by. Experiencing segregation, extreme racism in the deep South, outliving her husband, a grandchild and all of her immediate family while losing her ability to see made Maw Maw into one of the most humble and gracious human beings. I never heard her complain, not once about her disability. We didn’t treat her like she was blind, nor did she act as so. She went into prayer at random times of the day. In a room full of people I have heard her ask the Lord not to forget about her. Even when I called home the night of President Obama’s first election to find out if she heard the news she responded, “Yeah I heard the have a black man as President now. I’m glad for him. I just pray they do him right and God takes care of him. I’m really happy for him. What’s him name again?”.
For years I was angry for God taking her just weeks before my graduation. I cried when I couldn’t tell her about my first job or the first time I was on TV. I am in disbelief. Her death is something I’ll never get over. I can only be thankful for our very last conversation. She just told me it was time to “grow up” and “stop playing” because we both knew I wasn’t serious about life. In a sense she was preparing me for what was to come, as she always had. I am jealous that she saw my cousins and my sister become adults and not me. She was even there for their first child, not mine. But I’m working to release those harsh feelings in my heart. We spent so much valuable time together and the main thing is that she was ready to go.
I like to think for the first time she can now see a first-hand account of my accomplishments. I just miss my friend. Her whit, kind-nature and feisty nature is alive and well in my heart. A mother’s love is unconditional while the love displayed by your grandmother are indescribable. The best way that I can live out her wishes are to just be a good person. The last 5 years have been tough without her, I just pray for the strength to go on the rest of my life.
